Remember the original Toss The Turtle on Newgrounds.com? No? Well, thanks for the depressing reminder of how old I am. Regardless, Super Toss the Turtle revives the series after approximately seven years of waiting.
Toss the Turtle is another launch-and-upgrade game long before the days of Angry Birds, perhaps the first launch game ever made, published on the summer of 2009 by animator Gonzossm. You could say ever since, people have wanted a sequel, yet other “sequels” have arrived from series such as Learn to Fly 2, Learn to Fly 3, and the arguably most popular Burrito Bison series.
The app is free, but you can view ads for shells. Shells are used to purchase characters, the characters being parodies of other media references, 100 shells each. Each time you launch, you get more money and shells each time, earning more over longer distances reached. Money can be used for upgrading launching equipment, bombs, and guns, which are all used to make you go farther and get more money faster.
Does all of that sound similar? That’s because it’s the same game. As the title confirms, it isn’t technically a sequel, it’s an enhanced version of the original. You know, the crap Street Fighter pulls considering Capcom is a money-hungry piece of- I mean business. The game is filled with references and obstacles which have aged exactly like fine wine if the wine was mixed with drainage fluid. The pace is similar to the original, if not slower. Have fun upgrading, only to see that the differences between upgrades are too far and few between to notice anything really changing. If the upgrading system was as slow before, don’t be an ass and change it in the remastered version, I get that. Still, it”s been seven years, I mean I’m not expecting perfection but when I waste my time on an app I want to trick myself into feeling I’m accomplishing something in my life.
If you can get over these points and are willing to shell out 6 hours before things start picking up, this is a legitimately fun phone game. Every few shots you unlock a new character based on a joke, reference, animation, and/or all of the above. Some might not be funny, but there are so many that it not only keeps things fresh, but you are bound to love at least one character.
This gore-y, violent, 80’s music-ridden game can be a bit much and a bit too little all at the same time, yet there is fun to be found. The experience is not what we had all hoped, it’s essentially just more of the same, but it is entertaining nonetheless. If you find a desperate need to sink hours into a free app filled with unique animation, Super Toss the Turtle has your number.